Second Trimester Loss- My Story

We found out we were pregnant soon after we received our foster care license. We took three brothers into our home for foster care, knowing that we would also be welcoming a new baby.

We made preparations for how the nursery would fit two cribs instead of one. We discussed how we would arrange child care and work schedules so we could continue foster care with our new baby. He was due in July, so we had time to figure things out.

When I thought of how our baby announcement might turn out, I thought of pregnancy photos and big smiles. I pictured a baby swaddled in our arms.  In some ways, our baby announcement is just that. We were blessed with a sweet baby boy and given the privilege of holding him in our arms. Despite that, this birth announcement is not at all what I imagined.

I went into labor much sooner than I should have. At the hospital, they told me there was nothing we could do. Our baby boy was coming, and he wouldn’t be able to survive at just 19 weeks gestation.

Caleb and I called family members and held each other close. Not long after we were in our own room and had shared the news with just a few close people, our baby boy was born.

I was in awe of how incredible his little body was. I loved holding him and staring at all his features. His fingers were so long and his nose was adorable. I was particularly fond of his fuzzy little eyebrows and the fuzz above his small lips. The perfection of his tiny toes amazed me.

Uriah V Cichoski was born on March 3, 2019, at 11:28 pm. The night he was born, I felt such peace. We got to hold him and nothing else seemed to matter because we had a son. The joy I felt in being with him left little room for sadness. The next day, as family members were able to hold him and as we began to make arrangements for his burial, the reality of our situation began to sink in. No one expected this. We would be leaving the hospital without our baby. Peace was mixed with grief, and I felt determined to let myself feel whatever I needed to feel.

We love Uriah and miss him deeply. The pain and grief we’re learning to embrace is heavy and also is an honor to bear because we have a perfect angel in our family to watch over us. I love knowing that He’s safe and loved in heaven. To the many mothers that had to say goodbye way too soon- I see you. We can do this.